The Waterfall That Changed Everything

I painted “Still Connected” (sumi ink on paper, shown below) to express a deep truth.

We were driving the other day and passed a house of an old friend. Someone we were very close to for so many years. Like family. But, because we left the church and because our deconstruction had disturbed our friendships, we haven’t seen them in years. But we still feel a deep connection to them, even though they may not know it.

When we did leave the church in 2010, it was precipitated by a profound experience I had in March of 2009. I lied down for a power nap and a picture formed in my mind. On the surface it was nothing at all… a waterfall. A huge one, like Niagara Falls.

That was it!

But it radically changed my life forever.

(“Still Connected”, sumi ink on paper, available HERE.)

Because it meant something. It was a unifying vision of reality for me. I was there in the vision at the bottom of the waterfall, and it was telling me all is one. I’m still unpacking its meaning.

One of the things that it meant to me was that there is one reality, but everyone has a different perspective of it. This counts for everything from people to religions. One reality, many perspectives.

I felt this to my core. The peace I’d always sought but could never find finally settled on my mind, and it has never left. Decades of painful theological angst were dissolved instantly, integrated into one unifying truth.

Being naïve in my excitement, I started sharing my experience and insights on my blog. I called it the Z-Theory. (You can search it on my blog and read up if you like.) I had been in the ministry serving the church as a pastor for about 30 years, all the while wrestling with theology and trying to make it all make sense. I knew, deep deep down, that there must be a truth that brings everything together. But I just couldn’t figure it out, even after all my studies and research and prayer and meditation.

In fact, I was so frustrated that I was ready to throw in the towel on the ministry and give up this internal struggle. It was that painful.

So it made sense that I was so excited to share this good news.

But, much to my surprise, it wasn’t good news to everyone else, including my church and its authorities and many of my peers in ministry.

Up to this point, my deconstruction had been internal and private. Now I was going public with it because I felt this deeply peaceful resolution.

Many people didn’t appreciate it.

Within a year I was gone. After one meeting with some of my core church people, I realized I couldn’t continue on my path and serve this church at the same time. In order for me to continue on my journey, and for my church to continue on theirs, I resigned.

That began a whole new chapter in my life.

But that vision planted firmly in my brain the deep and liberating truth that we are all one, connected on a deep and fundamental level, despite the illusion of separation.

And that’s what inspired this painting, “Still Connected”.